Questions for God

Isaiah 1:18

"Come now, and let us reason together" says the Lord. 

Our Daily Bread's devotional for today shares the story of a little boy who tells his grandparents he wasn't surprised by their unannounced arrival "Because I know everything!"

We chuckle at the audacity of a little child making such a bold statement for two reasons: 1. We can probably think of a time when we thought the same way about ourselves, and 2. As we get older, life teaches us how much we still have to learn.

The task of parenting is one of those. A friend once remarked to me that, if she could have spent an additional hour and a half on the delivery table and popped out a manual for her child, she would have done it! The first-time parent often has moments where they question what to do, or if they did the right thing when faced with multiple options. Even more difficult are the questions we ask ourselves in later years, when we reflect back in times of sorrow or grief and ask, "Could I have done something more, or done something differently?" I have asked myself these questions many times in the last few weeks, as I reflect back over the events through the last several years that culminated in our son's death.

I've talked to God about it too. Some people may have come to this post thinking it was about questioning the existence of God. That is no longer a question for me. Don't get me wrong; I've been through times where I wondered if I'd bought in to a fable, where I had questioned whether God was real or not. Being a biologist by training and a teacher of mathematics by occupation, I need to see evidence, I need facts. Now that I'm over 50, there has been such a wealth of evidence in my life, not just for His existence, but for His very real presence, that I am done questioning it, like we're done questioning gravity.

But I still have questions for God. I ask Him, "Why?" And I believe He's okay with that. You see, I would actually like an answer, and I'll be listening for one, but I'm cognizant that I may not get one that I can understand.

I was reading the Bible, in the book of Acts, chapter 12, last November. In that chapter it records a noteworthy event; the miraculous release of Peter from prison. I've heard sermons on it, and even thought "I'd like something like that to happen to me!" Maybe you've done the same.

But last fall,  I noticed something I'd never noticed before; a brief statement in verse 2 that Herod had James "put to death with the sword". Yet, mere verses later, Peter's chains drop loose, prison doors are opened while the guards sleep, and Peter finds himself outside the prison, and he walks to where the other disciples are gathered.

Why did God allow James to be executed, but Peter to be miraculously released? Didn't the disciples pray just as hard for James' release? What about James' family?Wouldn't two miraculous releases bring even more glory to God?

Last Sunday, we celebrated the fact that one of our young men, who has struggled with addiction, was heading off to a program that would support him in breaking free from addiction, while developing and strengthening his relationship with Jesus Christ. There was such joy all around ... but it was mixed with pain in my heart as I asked God, "Why could this not have been part of David's story as well, God? Why couldn't we be rejoicing over his future recovery, instead of weeping over his grave?"

I had asked God similar questions last November when reading Acts 12. "Why are my friends' children, who grew up in the same church, going on for You, God, while my David is running from You? Why must I agonize over his choices, instead of being able to rejoice over them?"

I may not ever get answers to these questions that I will understand or be satisfied with. But here's one thing I also had to ask myself: Do I trust God that He was still at work, that He's still a loving God? That He loved my David, and my Kate, enough that He would sentence His Son to die in their place and, for that reason, isn't done yet? Do I?

God, in His mercy to David and to us, gave David a block of time last fall where he was clean and sober and stable on medication. In that time frame, David acknowledged the mess he was making of things, his desire to change, and his need of Jesus Christ to forgive him for all the mess he'd created by his choices. God said, in His Word, that "if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved." (Romans 10:9) I believe I will see my son again, despite his failings and mine, because God did the work of redeeming us both.

No question.