"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows."
Luke 12:7
It was the summer of 2000.
A young woman named Megan attended her friend Bree's wedding at Joy Bible Camp as part of the bridal party. She also carried a burden; within her womb, a tiny life was growing.
That little one was not the burden. Her burden was choosing the right family in which to place her little one for adoption. She asked God to direct her, to give her wisdom to make the best choice for her baby.
My wife and I, with our then 4-year-old David, were camping at Joy at the time, although we knew nothing of that story. We heard there was a need later in the summer for male counselors at Senior Youth Camp; we talked and I volunteered. In the last week of August, we headed back up to Bancroft; I had a cabin full of teenage boys, and Judy and David had a room to themselves. We would spend time together whenever I was free.
In the middle of the week, I was paged for a long distance call. It was our adoption agency (JFJ Hope Centre): "We have wonderful news! A little boy has been born in Sudbury, and the birth mother has chosen you as the adoptive parents! You need to come right away!" I replied, "But I'm in the middle of Youth Camp!" And they responded, "Well, you're getting someone to take over, because you're coming to Sudbury!"
We informed the staff, who were all delighted on our behalf. Then I needed to tell my boys why we were leaving midweek. One of the staff suggested, "If you're willing, it might be really impactful for these teens if you'd share this story with the whole camp." So we did. They were excited and supportive. Would we please update them by the end of the week? We agreed.
My parents drove 2.5 hours to Bancroft to get our little David and care for him. He was settled in their car, and I was walking to our van with our bags when I was again paged for a long distance call from the adoption agency. "I don't know how to tell you this, but the whole thing has fallen through. Sit tight till we figure out what's going on." And the whirlwind comes instantly to a complete and utter standstill.
Over the ensuing hours, we would learn that the birth father's mother came to the hospital, saw the baby and wanted to raise him. That would not have been a good thing, and so the birth mother did the only thing she could to protect him; she claimed sole custody. We could understand her decision, but that didn't diminish our heartbreak.
That night we had our evening Bible study session. It was on committing your life to God. As a wrap-up, we would all go out in small groups of 2 or 3 and stand along the shoreline of the lake, talking with God about surrendering to Him. I stood with two other guys at the shore, silent before God. My heart ached for a little boy that I had already begun to love, whose loss I already had to grieve, and I didn't understand why. The tears began to flow. "I don't understand why this happened, God! Why would you let us get the phone call and go through all of this, when you knew it would all implode?" I wasn't angry; I was hurting and being completely honest with God. "I don't like this, it hurts so badly, and I feel completely in the dark." But then I said (and did) something that was not really characteristic of me in that stage of my life: "But I'm going to choose to trust You, God. I'm going to choose to believe that You ARE good, that You love me and have my best in mind." That was August 30th, 2000.
The week at camp ended, nothing changed with the adoption, we headed back home and resumed our lives. The school year started, and the hectic weeks of September melded into the regular routine of October. In the middle of that month, we again received a call from the adoption agency: a birth couple had chosen us as adoptive parents. We met with them on two different occasions and then, on the 25th of November, our beautiful Kathryn was born. Little did we know that her birth mom, Megan, was the same one who had been at Joy that summer! We met with them two more times in the next year. From that point on, the birth father was content with what he had in letters and photos. We continued to exchange letters and photos with Megan over the next few years until that came to a close as well.
When Katie was roughly 2 years old, we received a letter from Suzanne, a birth parent adoption worker with the agency; she was retiring and decided to send us a farewell letter! She had been the support worker for both David's birth mother and Katie's birth parents. She wrote what a delight and privilege it had been to be a part of placing both children in our family. She wrote a little paragraph to David, and another to Katie, and finally signed off. And then she added a PS: "I was cleaning out my files and found this, and I thought you might like to have it." When a birth parent decides on adoption, one of the first things they're asked to do is think about and list the characteristics they would look for in an adoptive couple. Some only want someone to love their baby, while others have a 19-item checklist. Megan was the "19-item checklist" type, and Suzanne had attached a photocopy of her list; she thought we might like to see what Megan had written down that ultimately resulted in her choosing our adoption profile.
I have no idea what is on that list; I couldn't tell you a single thing Megan wrote there. As I pulled that sheet out from behind Suzanne's letter, I saw only one thing. In the top right hand corner of the page was recorded the date she had written that list: August 30th, 2000, the same day I stood on the shore and told God I would trust Him! He honoured that, and He went a step further and showed me that I was right to trust Him! I said, "God, You didn't have to do that, but that's pretty cool!"
In the years since Kate's birth, we have met and become friends with Bree and her husband Eric (though we still never knew this connection). A year ago, Bree turned 40 and her husband brought some of Bree's close friends together, including Megan, for a girl's weekend. As they visited together, Megan shared that she had been thinking a lot about Katie, and hoped that in the years to come, Katie might want to connect with her and have a relationship. Little did she know how soon that would happen.
Only a week later, we encouraged Kate to connect with her birth parents. We helped her find Megan first, and she sent her a friend request on Facebook. Megan received the request and thought "I don't know a Kate van't Slot. I'll just delete it." Her oldest boy, who LOVES to be outside, chose that moment to come in and look over her shoulder. "But Mom" he said, "what if that's OUR Katie?" Megan had kept a baby picture of Katie on the wall in her home and, as her children asked questions, she answered in age-appropriate terms. So her children all knew about this 'Katie'. At her son's comment, she went to Kate's Facebook page and "stalked" it. Suddenly she recognized something in one of the pictures! "That's the shoreline at Joy Bible Camp!" She immediately grabbed her phone and texted Bree. "Do you know a Kate van't Slot, and a Mike & Judy van't Slot?" Bree responded, "Why, sure! They are great folks. Kate was a lifeguard at Joy, bla bla bla..." Megan texted back, "That's MY Katie!" Bree responded with "ARE YOU SERIOUS?? I'M CALLING YOU RIGHT NOW!" And thus began a very enthusiastic and tear-filled conversation!
Anyway, Kate met with her birth mom, and later in the summer, her birth dad as well, and they are exactly the wonderful, caring, self-sacrificing people we've always told Kate they were. We've enjoyed getting reacquainted as well. It has been good all around, and I'm grateful, as these kinds of reunions don't always turn out that way.
But I share this story with you, dear reader, to either inform you or remind you that my God is big, big enough that He can orchestrate and conduct the workings of our universe -- burning suns and spinning galaxies -- and at the same time, involve Himself in the little details of our lives, the things that we, perhaps, might even deem inconsequential. Contrary to the title of this post (which is intentionally stated as a question), it is NOT the devil that is in the details; it's God. He loves us, He cares about us, He sticks with us and walks with us and weeps with us and rejoices with us. The psalmist David writes "You are intimately acquainted with all our ways" and it takes a big and powerful God to be able to do that! The details are not always pleasant at the time; the heartbreak of the loss of that little boy through the adoption reversal was significant. For someone to say "But you have other children now" is an indication that they've never experienced such a loss, and they don't really understand. But ultimately, God used the experience to teach us about Himself, and to show us He had something else, something very beautiful, in mind for us.
Know that He loves you, know that He is interested in the details of your life, and He directs them for your good and His glory. If you feel lost or confused, choose to trust Him. If you feel abandoned, know that it's not true; He's right there. If you can't see His hand at work, trust His heart. Call out to Him, invite Him in. And if you don't yet have that kind of relationship with Him, there's no time like the present. Make it happen today! If you have questions you need answered, please contact me; I would love to talk to you and I can be reached at mikeysingsbass@gmail.com.
The week at camp ended, nothing changed with the adoption, we headed back home and resumed our lives. The school year started, and the hectic weeks of September melded into the regular routine of October. In the middle of that month, we again received a call from the adoption agency: a birth couple had chosen us as adoptive parents. We met with them on two different occasions and then, on the 25th of November, our beautiful Kathryn was born. Little did we know that her birth mom, Megan, was the same one who had been at Joy that summer! We met with them two more times in the next year. From that point on, the birth father was content with what he had in letters and photos. We continued to exchange letters and photos with Megan over the next few years until that came to a close as well.
When Katie was roughly 2 years old, we received a letter from Suzanne, a birth parent adoption worker with the agency; she was retiring and decided to send us a farewell letter! She had been the support worker for both David's birth mother and Katie's birth parents. She wrote what a delight and privilege it had been to be a part of placing both children in our family. She wrote a little paragraph to David, and another to Katie, and finally signed off. And then she added a PS: "I was cleaning out my files and found this, and I thought you might like to have it." When a birth parent decides on adoption, one of the first things they're asked to do is think about and list the characteristics they would look for in an adoptive couple. Some only want someone to love their baby, while others have a 19-item checklist. Megan was the "19-item checklist" type, and Suzanne had attached a photocopy of her list; she thought we might like to see what Megan had written down that ultimately resulted in her choosing our adoption profile.
I have no idea what is on that list; I couldn't tell you a single thing Megan wrote there. As I pulled that sheet out from behind Suzanne's letter, I saw only one thing. In the top right hand corner of the page was recorded the date she had written that list: August 30th, 2000, the same day I stood on the shore and told God I would trust Him! He honoured that, and He went a step further and showed me that I was right to trust Him! I said, "God, You didn't have to do that, but that's pretty cool!"
In the years since Kate's birth, we have met and become friends with Bree and her husband Eric (though we still never knew this connection). A year ago, Bree turned 40 and her husband brought some of Bree's close friends together, including Megan, for a girl's weekend. As they visited together, Megan shared that she had been thinking a lot about Katie, and hoped that in the years to come, Katie might want to connect with her and have a relationship. Little did she know how soon that would happen.
Only a week later, we encouraged Kate to connect with her birth parents. We helped her find Megan first, and she sent her a friend request on Facebook. Megan received the request and thought "I don't know a Kate van't Slot. I'll just delete it." Her oldest boy, who LOVES to be outside, chose that moment to come in and look over her shoulder. "But Mom" he said, "what if that's OUR Katie?" Megan had kept a baby picture of Katie on the wall in her home and, as her children asked questions, she answered in age-appropriate terms. So her children all knew about this 'Katie'. At her son's comment, she went to Kate's Facebook page and "stalked" it. Suddenly she recognized something in one of the pictures! "That's the shoreline at Joy Bible Camp!" She immediately grabbed her phone and texted Bree. "Do you know a Kate van't Slot, and a Mike & Judy van't Slot?" Bree responded, "Why, sure! They are great folks. Kate was a lifeguard at Joy, bla bla bla..." Megan texted back, "That's MY Katie!" Bree responded with "ARE YOU SERIOUS?? I'M CALLING YOU RIGHT NOW!" And thus began a very enthusiastic and tear-filled conversation!
Anyway, Kate met with her birth mom, and later in the summer, her birth dad as well, and they are exactly the wonderful, caring, self-sacrificing people we've always told Kate they were. We've enjoyed getting reacquainted as well. It has been good all around, and I'm grateful, as these kinds of reunions don't always turn out that way.
But I share this story with you, dear reader, to either inform you or remind you that my God is big, big enough that He can orchestrate and conduct the workings of our universe -- burning suns and spinning galaxies -- and at the same time, involve Himself in the little details of our lives, the things that we, perhaps, might even deem inconsequential. Contrary to the title of this post (which is intentionally stated as a question), it is NOT the devil that is in the details; it's God. He loves us, He cares about us, He sticks with us and walks with us and weeps with us and rejoices with us. The psalmist David writes "You are intimately acquainted with all our ways" and it takes a big and powerful God to be able to do that! The details are not always pleasant at the time; the heartbreak of the loss of that little boy through the adoption reversal was significant. For someone to say "But you have other children now" is an indication that they've never experienced such a loss, and they don't really understand. But ultimately, God used the experience to teach us about Himself, and to show us He had something else, something very beautiful, in mind for us.
Know that He loves you, know that He is interested in the details of your life, and He directs them for your good and His glory. If you feel lost or confused, choose to trust Him. If you feel abandoned, know that it's not true; He's right there. If you can't see His hand at work, trust His heart. Call out to Him, invite Him in. And if you don't yet have that kind of relationship with Him, there's no time like the present. Make it happen today! If you have questions you need answered, please contact me; I would love to talk to you and I can be reached at mikeysingsbass@gmail.com.
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