A Unique Nature: Temptation and the Power of Sin over Us

For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses,
but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.
Hebrews 4:15

As a kid, I was fascinated by magnets.

We had a few of them at home. The small round ones. The ones that looked like a bar. We even had a large horseshoe-shaped one. It was great fun to go around and find things I could pick up with that magnet, or put it close to a large piece of metal and feel it pull me toward it! Occasionally I would be caught by surprise, as I put it near or on something metal, only to see it fall off when I let go of the magnet. Why did it stick to some metal things and not to others? It would be years later before I would learn that magnets are attracted to ferrous metals, but not to non-ferrous ones. The magnet could not draw the non-ferrous metals to itself because there was nothing in the nature of the metal to be drawn to the magnet.

As I've walked my journey of faith in and obedience to Jesus Christ, I have (thankfully) grown in my understanding of Him. When I was young, I was taught (rightly) that God is holy and that He hates sin. My inaccurate extension of that was that He waited in heaven, watching me to see if I really meant that I loved Him, showing it by obeying what He commanded. And when I failed to do so, He must be looking down at me with disapproval, thinking "What a disappointment that boy is." I would really want to do well, but it would so often be so clear to me how far short of His standard of perfection I fell. I would be genuinely disappointed in myself. In my teen years I discovered the passage that the apostle Paul penned in Romans 7, where he writes in verse 15 "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate." As I read that, I thought "Wow. That's me! You mean to say the apostle Paul struggles like this?!?"  In verse 19, he goes on to write "For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want."  "Exactly! Why am I so drawn to the thing I know is wrong, the thing I hate? And why, if I hate it, do I still find myself doing it?"

"Wow, that's me! You mean to say

even the apostle Paul struggled

like this?!?"

Finally in verse 21, Paul writes "I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good."  So I'm thinking "Hey, great! If Paul struggled with it, and he was such an amazing follower of Christ, then he must have found some solution!"  Reading on in verses 24 and 25, I find "Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin."

What? No foolproof solution for the elimination of this problem? Just a recognition that, as long as I live on this earth in a human body, I will always face this battle? That seems to be precisely the conclusion Paul came to. How discouraging!

Or is it? Maybe I was missing something. You see, in the 35 or so years since that time, I have come to learn that there is far more to be learned in the process than in the actual destination. You see, in pondering all of this over the years, there are a number of insights that God has opened my eyes to.

This is what God says to me:

"There is nothing you can do that will make Me love you more, and there is nothing you can do that will make Me love you less."

1. The struggle teaches me the wonder of His grace. Contrary to the image I had of God as a young boy, God's love for me does not change based on my performance. We used to tell our son this so often during the last difficult years of his life, and it now occurs to me that this is what God says to me: "There is nothing you can do that will make Me love you more, and there is nothing you can do that will make Me love you less."  Regardless of my failings, my imperfections, my disobedience, God's love does not waver. Oh, rest assured He will deal with the sin! But there's the beauty of it; Romans 5:8 says "... while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Before I ever turned to Him in repentance, before I ever asked for His forgiveness, Christ had already paid whatever price needed to be paid, so that the offense between God and me was taken away and reconciliation was possible, if I would simply accept the gift of salvation being offered to me. I had to learn that  "The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness." (Lam. 3:22, 23) It is in the struggle that I discover that I have no strength to fight in myself; I need to be constantly connected to God and only then will I be able to "...do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13)  And I recognize that "...nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not." (Romans 7:18) Thus, the struggle teaches me that God's grace reaches out to me in love, regardless of my performance, and He will supply what I need to do what He calls me to do, if I will simply choose to live my life in communion with Him. Amazing grace!

2. The struggle teaches me humility and compassion. If God were to simply take away the struggle from me, I could see myself very easily becoming pompous and prideful, as I consider how truly wonderful and obedient a child of God I am! Oh, it's so far from the truth! And the humbling that occurs as I realize my own inability to do anything of value for God in my own strength allows me to show compassion toward those who also struggle, and fail, rather than to judge them. This is not to be confused with excusing or enabling their sins and failures; rather it is an opportunity to, gently and compassionately, redirect them to the One who can pick them up, forgive them and provide them with whatever they need to continue living for Him.

3. The struggle teaches me how truly "other" Jesus is.  Hebrews 4:15 says, "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin." (emphasis mine). I would sometimes get angry, discount the temptation for Jesus, thinking "Well, since He's God, it's not a temptation for Him anyway, so where's the challenge?"  I was seeing it all wrong. The fact that Jesus was tempted as we are, yet was without sin was not a demonstration of His amazing ability to stand up under the pressure of the pull of sin. Otherwise the lesson to us would simply be "You've got to try harder." You see, it's like the lesson of the magnet above: Sin had no ability to draw or tempt Jesus, because there was no sin in His nature to be attracted to a temptation. A magnet can be used to test whether a metal is of a ferrous nature or not. Similarly, temptations can be used to test whether we have a sin nature or not. Jesus did not respond to the temptation, which demonstrated that His nature is holiness. And the lesson to us is this: You can't fight this battle on your own, because your very nature is sinful. You need to constantly look to Me for help! But I'm also going to give you a new nature, one that desires holiness and is empowered by My Spirit! And someday, I'm going to renew you, so that your very sin nature is removed, and the very presence of sin is gone forever!

What an incredible promise for the one who has placed their faith in Jesus Christ! It begins even here: the more we commune with Him, the more we desire what He desires. As Romans 12:2 states, we will be "...transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

And what about you, the reader who is not yet a follower of Jesus?  The amazing thing of it all is the lengths to which God was willing to go to make it possible for you to have that same freedom from the slavery of sin.  2 Corinthians 5:21 says that "God made Him, who knew no sin, to be sin on our behalf so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."  God dealt with our sin by placing all of our rejection of Him, all of our offenses against Him, all of our falling short of His perfect standard -- placing it all on His Son Jesus, the only perfect, sinless One and punishing Him for it, as if He had done it all!  And then He takes Jesus' perfection and places it on you, as if you had never done anything wrong! Why would He do such a crazy thing? Crazy love for you, that's why. All you have to do is take the gift!

I hope that's an offer that draws your heart to Him like ferrous metal to a magnet!

The Injustice Of Christmas

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, 

but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.

Mark 10:45

For those grieving the loss of a loved one, Christmas can be painful.

One of the great joys of life with family is the traditions we build. Christmas is one of those special times of the year when this is especially true. We have a tradition of setting up the Christmas tree in the early part of December, while playing Christmas music and enjoying finger foods like wings and shrimp and "cold pizza" and veggies and dip. Each member of the family has a box of their own special ornaments with which they decorate the tree. This year, each of us chose an ornament from David's box that was meaningful to us and placed it on the tree.

These traditions are important; they bind families together. But they are also powerful reminders of the absence of a member of the family who used to be part of the tradition. And I never truly understood, until I became a member of the "club" that no one wants to be a member of.

But I don't want to scrap Christmas as a result. While I mourn the loss of my son, I am grateful for the presence and love of my wife, and my daughter, and my extended family, not to mention my friends and my neighbours. Grief and loss are a reality in our life experience; we cannot avoid them, and through them we often discover things, like who our true friends are, or things about our own character of which we were unaware. There is always something to be learned.

Recently, my dear friend Ashley sent me a link to a video. In it, Craig Aven was singing The Sweetest Gift, a song he had written expressly for those grieving a loss at Christmas time. Take time to listen to it; it's beautiful and worthwhile. (Have the tissues close by!)

It struck me, as I listened to this song, that others who might listen as I share it on Facebook might think, "Well it's a nice sentiment at Christmas, and a comfort to someone grieving, like Mike and Judy, but David? Really? In the arms of Jesus? How can you just ignore all the stuff he was doing, all the mess he was into? The innocence of a small child, or self-sacrificial kindness and generosity, THAT would be deserving of 'the arms of Jesus', but David's sin? His brokenness? His mess? How can we just pretend that wasn't the reality? How does he deserve the arms of Jesus?"

A totally fair and honest question, and it brings to light the total injustice of Christmas.

You see, David doesn't deserve heaven, or the arms of Jesus. Neither do I and neither do you. If God is really perfectly holy and perfectly righteous and perfectly just, then He must make His standard of acceptability absolute perfection. Only a perfect person deserves His heaven, and we all know that nobody's perfect ... well, nobody except Jesus. So according to the standard that God requires, in order to be true to His character, the only one who deserves heaven is Jesus.

And what does Jesus do? The only One qualified to enjoy heaven leaves heaven, and comes to earth to be born as a baby. Why? To die on the cross.

You see, a holy God must punish sin, or He isn't holy. If He allows a little bit of sin, then He contradicts His very nature. The word "holy" means "set apart" or "completely other than". So God is completely set apart from sin; sin cannot abide in God's presence. And yet, His nature also includes perfect love. 1 John 4:8 says "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God IS love." (emphasis mine). It's not just that He loves, He is the definition of love! His perfect love desires unhindered relationship with us, but His perfect holiness demands punishment of our sin. What a conundrum!  How does God resolve it? His perfect love sends His perfect Son, Jesus, from heaven to come to earth as a baby, live a perfectly obedient life before God and us as witnesses, and then go to the cross and suffer the punishment that a perfectly holy God pours out in full, with no discount, on Him. Then, and here's the real injustice, if we are willing to accept the offer, God takes Jesus' perfect righteousness and attributes it to us, as if we had been the perfectly obedient ones! You want to talk about unfair? THAT's unfair!

And because Jesus was perfectly willing to take that position, to be found innocent by Pilate but condemned to death anyway, to be perfectly obedient to God but be punished for all of OUR sin anyway, to suffer that punishment because He willingly took our place ... because He did that, we have the opportunity to have our debt before God wiped clean. The price for our crimes has been paid. We need only tell God that we agree with Him that WE deserved the cross, that we accept the price that Jesus paid on our behalf and that we authorize Him to take over the throne of our life ... and in Christ, we are now seen by God as deserving of heaven. 1 Peter 3:18 says "For Christ also died for sins, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh ..." (emphasis mine). The rebellious one gets treated by God as perfectly righteous because the Perfectly Obedient One was treated as if He had committed every sin.

David is in heaven, enjoying the presence of Jesus. Judy and I will join him there some day. Not because of anything we have done or not done; on our own, we are perfectly deserving of eternal hellfire. No, we'll be there solely because we have accepted the Gift that God offers: salvation through the perfect work that Jesus did when He took our place before the Holy Judge of the universe.

I hope you'll join us. Let this be the Christmas you receive the Greatest Gift Ever.

Lest We Forget

"Do this in remembrance of Me"

Luke 22:19

As a first-generation Canadian of Dutch ancestry, Remembrance Day is always of special significance to me. It is a reality that, were it not for the part that brave Canadian soldiers played in Holland during World War II, I very likely would not be here, writing this blog.

My father was a young boy during WWII, the oldest of (eventually) 7 children. At one point they lived in Arnhem, and late in the war, were awakened in the middle of the night by Allied soldiers who herded them down to the bank of the Arnhem river where Canadian soldiers had erected rope bridges across, in order to evacuate civilians prior to a major offensive. My father's family crossed the river and travelled to relatives in the country, where they stayed until the fighting was over. And on May 5, 1945, Holland was finally freed from Nazi occupation. To express their deep gratitude, Holland sends gifts of thousands of tulips to the Canadian government to this day.

I am a husband and a father. It staggers me to think that countless young men, many husbands and fathers themselves, volunteered to go and fight, and quite possibly die, to achieve freedom for those who might never even know their names. I am humbled at the selflessness, the sacrifice made on my behalf, that I might enjoy the freedom that I do today. And I choose to honour that sacrifice; I don't believe they paid with their blood and their lives to buy me a freedom to do anything I want, although that is a possibility. No, I choose to honour that sacrifice by doing what is good and right, seeking what is true, striving (in weakness and imperfection) to use my freedom to serve others, in the same spirit that these incredibly courageous men and women served, and still serve, others. To stand against injustice and oppression against the poor, the helpless, the needy, the down-trodden.

And I remember, with thankful heart.

Another fierce battle was fought, nearly 2000 years ago. A Man left behind everything he enjoyed because men and women that he loved deeply were enslaved by a cruel and oppressive tyrant. He wasn't about to leave them in that situation. He demonstrated through his life that he was exactly who he said he was: God, and "God is love" (I John 4:8). He loved the poor, the helpless, the needy, the down-trodden. He defended the orphans and the widows, the outcast of society, and showed them love. He stood up to the religious leaders, who did not love his people but burdened them instead.

He was finally arrested, unfairly tried, found innocent but unjustly condemned and sentenced to death on a cross, the most horrific and shameful of all executions. He gave his blood and his life on that cross. His name is Jesus.

Doesn't sound like much of a battle, does it? But the battle was a spiritual one, we are those enslaved by sin and Satan, and the payment for our freedom, for our redemption from slavery, was blood, his blood. When he hung on that cross, he stood before the Ultimate Judge, God, and paid the penalty we owed, with his own lifeblood, so that we might have the opportunity to go free. To prove that he was the only qualified candidate and that the payment was accepted, he rose from the grave three days later.

He bought my freedom. I don't believe he paid with his blood and his life to buy me a freedom to do anything I want, although that is a possibility. I could squander my freedom by being self-serving. No, instead I choose to honour that sacrifice by doing what is good and right, seeking what is true, striving (in weakness and imperfection) to use my freedom to serve others, in the same spirit that my Saviour loved and served others. To stand against injustice and oppression against the poor, the helpless, the needy, the down-trodden. To share with them the news of the freedom that can only be found in Jesus Christ, freedom from the power of sin, freedom from the penalty of sin and, someday, even freedom from the presence of sin.

To those who have chosen to follow this brave and courageous and selfless Warrior, his command is that we gather to remember him in his death. We call it communion. Will you? Will you honour and remember him in the breaking of bread and drinking the cup? Will you remember that his body was broken for you, his blood was shed for you? He paid the ultimate price, a price I was incapable of ever paying, so that I might be free to have a relationship with him, to love him, to worship him, to honour him, because he is worthy.

And I remember, with thankful heart.

Standing By The Side Of The Road

"Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by?
    Look and see if there is any sorrow like my sorrow..."

Lamentations 1:12

It's probably hard to believe but, as a child, I sometimes behaved badly.

Okay, maybe that's not the stretch I'd like it to be. My brother and I could be pretty obnoxious with each other, and toward each other. And long stretches in the car could serve to amplify our ability to get on everyone's nerves. I remember in particular one day where we had been up to our usual miserable antics, heedless of the warnings from Mom and Dad, when Dad suddenly pulled the car over at the end of our street and said, "Okay, BOTH of you: OUT!" In shock, we did as we were told, the door closed and they drove off. (Keep in mind that we lived out in the country; this portion of our road was all fields as far as you could see.) We were left to walk home the remaining half a mile; an opportunity to burn off the extra energy we had previously been expending in an enclosed space ... and a chance to think.

I remember vividly the feelings my 12-year-old self experienced as I watched the car drive away. I felt a sense of abandonment and loss, even while I knew my parents hadn't stopped loving me and my then-10-year-old brother was right beside me. I felt some distress at being so far from home, even while I knew I had ridden my bike to and past this very place multiple times. I felt like no one cared, as the occasional car drove by and the occupants either stared at us or ignored us, even while I knew they would have stopped to help if we were in serious trouble. There was a repeated feeling of being left behind.

Those feelings have become familiar once again.

In the past couple of weeks, my wife and I have finally summoned the emotional fortitude to design and select a monument to be erected at the gravesite. We were able to purchase a plot for ourselves right beside David. As I mentioned to a good friend, it is a strange thing to see your own name on a tombstone. But I found it especially hard to see my dear son's name and dates there. Really brings it home that much more.

At times I wonder what's appropriate for me to feel, or if "appropriate" even has any relevance in this context. Sometimes it "feels" all wrong; life is going on around me, but I'm still standing at the side of the road. And this time, David is in the car that I'm watching disappear down the road. I feel a little bit left behind. And at times, it feels like I'm being stared at or ignored by the passersby; I imagine they ask, "Who is that?" and hear "Oh that's the man whose son has died."

After David died, there were times when it felt so wrong that life just carried on for other people, like everything should stop for a while to recognize this great tragedy. I wanted to shout, "Don't you understand my son has died?!?" And, to be completely honest, I still feel a lot of that. Yes, I'm carrying on. Yes, I show up every day at work and do my job. Would it make sense to say, however, that often it feels as if everyone else's life is in colour, and mine is just black-and-white?

I know it's not really like that. I'll get a text from a friend every now and again, or from my cousin, saying "We're still praying for you" or "You were on my heart today". Where would we be without dear friends like you?

And there are moments when it's good again, right again. Our little Charlotte, our beautiful grand-daughter, brings such joy to our hearts! And there is such healing in being around her lively self, hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, feeling her hugs and kisses. I'm so grateful to God for her, for the joy she brings to our life, for the little piece of David we can hold onto and treasure in her.

But the surprise moments still catch me unaware. Today my wife and I decided to go to a Craft Show at the local college. We drove in, not really knowing which building it was being held in. We parked in the lot and climbed aboard the shuttle bus. And then, as it turned down one of the side streets, I realized where we were going. It was right beside a set of residences where we had gotten David a short-term sublet, so he wouldn't be on the street. That hadn't worked out well at all, and a short time later, he was evicted. The memories rolled over me like a tsunami and I fought to hold back the tears. Judy squeezed my hand and said, "You too?"

As I read the account of Jesus' crucifixion, there were people rushing about all around, trying to prepare for the Sabbath. They might have been hurrying to market to buy last-minute groceries. They might have been travelling to someone's house to share the Sabbath meal with them. There were things to do, to finish up, that day, because no work could be done come evening. And Jesus hung on the cross, not for His own sins, but for yours, for mine, for David's, for Charlotte's, for the sins of the people at the foot of the cross waving their fists, hurling their insults, for the sins of those who hurried by, paying no mind because there was so much still to do.

Did Jesus' heart ache for someone to just stop and take notice, to weep as He hung between heaven and earth, bearing the brutal and indescribable punishment for our sin? Did God the Father look around for someone to appreciate the immense sacrifice that He and His beloved Son were making so that mankind could be redeemed? "Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by? Look and see if there is any sorrow like My sorrow" could be words that either of Them could have spoken.

I might feel abandoned at times, I might feel alone at times, but if I'm completely honest, I know I have never been alone, never been abandoned, never been forsaken in this journey of grief. Jesus cried out from the cross "My God! My God! Why have you forsaken Me?"; He did so because He was bearing the punishment that I deserved, and God had to turn His back on His own Son because of it. 

And because I have placed my faith and trust in the One who did all that for me, because I am "in Christ", I will never experience that.

Jesus was forsaken so that I would never, ever be.

Of Grinders and Gratefulness

In everything give thanks ...

I Thessalonians 5:18

I love my coffee.

I frequently tell my students "Coffee keeps me interesting ...". We travelled to the States this summer and, while shopping in a little store, I saw this sign:

I should have bought it!

When I turned 50, a couple who are good friends bought me a nice grinder so that I could grind my own coffee beans (bought at Costco) and use the ground coffee in my Keurig (which actually means "lovely" in Dutch!). Life is good. (... insert contented sigh here ...)

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm waxing eloquent over my caffeine addiction; the reason is this: When we lost our David and our whole world felt like it had been turned upside-down, those same friends were there immediately when we called. I will never forget the simple comfort I received when Chris walked in the door, hugged me with tears in his eyes and a catch in his throat and told me how sorry he was. And Beth was there for my hurting wife.  Then, as we traversed that long and weary week of preparation, and later the visitation and funeral, both they and their children stood by us, day by day, rarely knowing what to say but being there for whatever we needed. Often it was a text, or a call, to remind us they were praying for us. During the three and a half hours of the visitation, they stood by us for the entire night. As I greeted those that came to pass on their condolences, suddenly Beth would be at my elbow with a glass of cold water. We discovered they had been instrumental in coordinating the meals that were delivered to our house. Rarely in the limelight but always there just when we needed them.

Friends like that are rare. People that are so selfless, looking simply to meet the needs. We are extremely blessed to have them in our lives, and I never want to take them for granted.

And so I have taken a very mundane, run-of-the-mill task and turned it into an opportunity to be grateful. About every two weeks, I have to grind more beans to fill my little coffee can. And every time I pull that little grinder out of the cupboard and grind the coffee beans, I take time to thank God for our friends, who were God's hands and feet to bring His love to us when we were so very weak and weary.

I'd like to say the idea was mine; to attach a special significance to a plain and simple item. But the truth is, God did it long before I did. It's called communion, and it's brilliant. Jesus took a very mundane, run-of-the-mill item like a loaf of bread, which can be found in pretty much every culture. He broke it and said, "This represents My body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of Me." Then He took a cup of wine, again something found easily in most cultures and He said, "This represents My blood which was shed for you. Do this, as often as you drink it, in memory of Me."

No hindrances. No matter how rich or poor, whether from lower class or upper class; everyone could partake. His institution certainly leveled the entry, so that any could participate. But what is oh-so-important is that He took something simple, something plain, and attached to it such great significance - the reminder which inspires thankfulness that comes from appreciating what has been done on our behalf, what we were incapable of doing for ourselves.

And so now I look for other simple, mundane, daily things to attach significance to, so that I can use them to remind my heart of the great love of God for me, of the depths to which He was willing to go to rescue me from my own sin, so that I am reminded, even inspired, to be once again grateful for what He has done for me. Maybe as I garden, I am reminded that He has weeded my heart of the unforgiveness or evil desires that were once there. Maybe it's as I wash the dishes that I am reminded of how He washed away every stain and made me clean before Him. And I recognize that none of it was deserved; it's all a gift of His grace.

And that fills me with a spirit of joy and gratefulness far more than coffee ever could!

Beauty From Ashes

To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

As a teacher, I love summer, but not for the reasons you might think.

Summer provides a break from the rigid schedules, the daily life trapped under the tyranny of a bell. It allows time to breathe, time to rest and recharge, time to sit and just read for enjoyment. It allows for time to spend catching up with friends you haven't seen for 10 months because the demands of teaching monopolize your days, your evenings, your weekends. Believe it or not, I do miss my students, but I know that the summer will allow me to mentally, physically and emotionally recalibrate, so that I come back able to invest in them again. It's what I believe God intended for me to do; the ministry He has called me to for this stage of my life. The summer is my sabbath, and God declared it good.

This summer we had the opportunity to get reconnected with a friend with whom we had lost touch for a variety of reasons. The catalyst for the reconnecting came through David's passing. This dear friend had been through some real struggles on multiple fronts, and we discovered that one of her sons, a friend of David's in childhood, had been struggling with similar battles with substance abuse. It may even have been that the brutal reality of David's death due to his playing with drugs was the event that brought that young man face-to-face with the potential consequences of his choices, and motivated him to get serious about getting help. However all that played out, when he heard that we were planning to come up to visit his mom, with sensitive heart he suggested to her that she perhaps not tell us how well he was doing, as it might be painful for us to hear that.

I have another friend, a colleague, whose son was also in the same age bracket and the same patterns of behaviour. I had shared with him that we had helped David enroll in Teen Challenge, an intensive faith-based program for both men and women designed to help them find freedom from addictions. David had to wait for a period of time before he could begin, and he succumbed to his overdose before that period ended. They were successful in enrolling their son, however, and he is doing really well. At one point in the spring, I stopped by to hear about his son and to let him know I was praying. He teared up. As a dad, he totally understood that my heart would have wanted the same for my son, but that's not how God allowed things to play out.

The reality is that both of these situations bring me joy. Granted, it is mixed with pain and a few tears, but only because I so desired the same for my David.

In this post, I talked about Acts 2, where James, in prison, is beheaded while Peter, also in prison, is miraculously released. Why Peter, and not James? Why these other men's sons, and not my David? Isn't the same God presiding over each of these situations? Is He not equally capable of supernaturally intervening? Was James a worse sinner than Peter? Was my David? Or is God just petty?

No. A thousand times, No.

I may not understand why God acts one way in one circumstance, and a different way in another, but that's because I'm not God. That is very much a "Captain Obvious" statement, but we humans tend to get all miffed when God doesn't do things the way we think He ought to, when it should be so clear that we do not have the full details in front of us. Sometimes we even start declaring He can't exist for those very reasons. I don't truly understand electricity, but I don't start doubting its existence as a result! Man, my beautiful wife is as real as can be, but I don't understand her all the time! (Can I hear an "Amen", husbands? 😏) Doubting God's existence, or goodness, just because we don't understand ... well, that doesn't make sense.

To our friend's son, I would say how glad I am that he is doing well, that he has seen value in himself because God values him. I would encourage him to use his experience, and the lessons he has learned, to help other people, young and old, find their value in the eyes of their Creator. To my colleague's son, I would say the same. I would not wish upon any parent the road I had to walk, though I have learned things about God's faithfulness and love that I likely would not have learned any other way.

And nothing would bring me more "oil of joy" and a "garment of praise", than to see the beauty of a life restored to a relationship with the God who loves them sprout from the ashes of my loss.

Oceans

But I have trusted in Your steadfast love;

my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

Psalm 13:5

I haven't blogged for quite a while.  To be honest, it's because I was just hanging on.

I took a short term leave from work. I'm so thankful for the support of my employer, my principal, and my colleagues. And the young woman who covered for me did a splendid job; I couldn't have asked for more. The strain of what we had been through was starting to show and I needed to ensure that, when we got through this (and we would), my marriage was intact and healthy. We have had some wonderful help from a counsellor, who has walked us through a few things and assisted us in sorting healthy thoughts from unhealthy ones. And we needed time together, just my wife and I, just to be, to rest, to talk and to process all that we have experienced. We're not done yet but I am confident that, in time, we will be whole and strong once again. I am so grateful for her, my best friend and the love of my life.  Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and receives favour from the Lord." I have found so much more than I could have ever imagined in my wife, and I have indeed received favour!

We've spent quite a bit of time at the trailer, and the last week of Family Camp ended today. I found myself challenged this past week by the lyrics of the song "Oceans", that some of you will be familiar with. To be honest, I had a hard time singing it without tears; in fact, I was completely unsuccessful. Here are the words:

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

This was exactly what God did to us; like Peter in the boat in the middle of the storm, He called us out into our storm, where the possibility of sinking and drowning was real.

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep my faith will stand.

And once again, as before, we found God to be faithful in the midst of our storm. When Peter found himself sinking in the midst of wild waves and angry gales, and cried out for help, Jesus took hold of him; firm, strong, calm, untouched by all that was raging about them. Just like Peter, I found that MY resources were pitiful in the face of such a storm. But God was there with me; He provided what I needed. And with Him beside me, even a storm such as we had endured paled in comparison to His awesome and yet gentle strength.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed, and You won't start now.

I don't have any answers as to why we had to go through what we did. Losing a child has been the hardest thing I've ever had to face. Maybe you're reading this while facing a loss, a tragedy of your own. Maybe you're seeking some answers, some rationale for why you're going through this. I'm afraid I can't help you with that.

But I can tell you that tragedies and losses of this magnitude tend to make us do one of two things; we either lean away from God, or we lean in to God. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, lean in to Him! This is no time to turn from Him because then you have absolutely nothing but your despair! Your feelings and your angry thoughts may drive you to think that He is cruel, or that His love is fickle at best. These are lies, and they come from the enemy who seeks to destroy you. Remember, Peter said that the enemy is like a lion, seeking whom he may devour. He looks to weaken you by drawing you away from the protection that comes from staying close to God and His people; that's what lions do. Ask Him your angry questions; He can handle it! But stay close; you'll find that He will comfort and protect you and provide for you as you do. This has been my experience.

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours, and You are mine.

Notice how the lyrics indicate that this is a very intentional decision. Decide to trust Him in the really difficult things, especially when you can't see the reasons behind what's happening. That's really ultimately what faith is. Why would you only trust Him when things are good? Do you really think you're the only one who has suffered what you're suffering? Believers and unbelievers enjoy many of the same benefits from a gracious God, and they also suffer many of the same hurts; the difference is that unbelievers go through it alone!

And if that's you, if you are not a follower of Jesus Christ, let me tell you that He is longing to be there with you, to comfort you in your pain, to provide strength for you, to "give you beauty for ashes" as it says in Isaiah. Call on Him! Do it now! You will find in Him such a faithful friend, one who will never let you go, a "friend who sticks closer than a brother." And please let me know if you've done that. It would be my great joy.

You can contact the author at mikeysingsbass@gmail.com.