Why Me?

Mark 6: 45-48

Immediately Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of Him to Bethsaida ... Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and He was alone on land.

He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them.

Shortly before dawn, He went out to them ...

Have you ever asked, "Why me?"

Ever felt like you've been through your share of difficult times, like there is some cosmic scale out there that balances the amount of good things and bad things that happen to us, and in our accounting system, we're due for some good things? Or maybe, for whatever reason, you feel you like you should perhaps have some privilege, some exemption, from life's trials?

We probably would never come right out and say so; at least I wouldn't.  But, as I mentioned in a previous post, when my wife and I struggled with infertility, I essentially had a mindset that said, "Why are You doing this to me, God? I'm on the right team!  I've done the right things! This shouldn't be happening to me!"  You see, consciously or not, I believed that, because I had followed all the "rules" -- been a good person, went to church, bla bla bla -- because I was obedient, I should be reaping good results.

Andy Stanley has written a little book entitled "Since Nobody's Perfect, How Good Is Good Enough?"  In it, he discusses the ramifications of the mindset that says, "Good things happen to good people" and similar ideas.  We like the thought, but it's not realistic; many terrible things happened to good people during World War II, for example.  And even Jesus addressed this incorrect thinking with His disciples when, in John 9, they asked regarding a blind beggar "Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus replied, "Neither ... but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."

In the account in Mark 6, the disciples found themselves in the midst of quite a storm. They were experienced fishermen, who knew a few things about handling a boat and reading the weather; they were no rookies.  So how did they find themselves in the midst of this storm?  By obeying Jesus.  Did you catch that?  They did EXACTLY what Jesus instructed them to do ... and ended up fighting for their lives in a storm.

What?!? How can that be? Why would Jesus do that?

Notice that, in verse 48, it says, "He saw the disciples ..."  You can read a few things into that, I suppose, but I see in that phrase that He hasn't taken His eyes off of them the whole time.  He loves His disciples!  I am encouraged that, no matter what difficulties I find myself in, He hasn't taken His eyes off of me either.

And they are in no real danger.  He is capable of walking on the water to them, and the moment He steps in the boat, the wind stops; He's got this. Why did He do that? Why did He allow them to go through such trauma and fear? Verse 52 says "... for they still didn't understand the miracle of the loaves ..." Jesus was teaching them that He is in control. He has the power, He has the resources, He has the authority.  Remember, He JUST fed 5000 men, plus their families, with 5 loaves and 2 fish. They had experienced it by bringing Him the loaves and fish, and then distributing the food to the people.  And yet hours later, they're terrified for their lives because they are trusting in their own resources. He was trying to teach them NOT to fear, but to trust Him, despite the circumstances.

And what about you and I? When my wife and I had no success starting a family the usual way, I went into problem-solving mode.  We looked into treatments, we looked into adoption; I pushed hard to get things moving.  But I remember coming out of church one Sunday morning; we had just sung a hymn where one line goes "... And aye, the dews of sorrow Were lustred with His love ..." My dad saw me in the parking lot and asked me how I was doing (he was always able to read me pretty well). I replied, "Dad, I'm seeing lots of dew.  I'm just not seeing the lustre."  I was in full-on "Why me?" mode. As I look back now, I can see that I was dependent on my own resources, my own ability to get me through. God was in a box of my making; I would open the box and take Him out on those rare occasions when I needed Him, and then I'd put Him back. No stringent demands on my life, the kind that relationship calls for!

Just as Jesus had to teach His 12 disciples that they needed to be fully relying on Him, He had to teach me the same. Is that because He has some kind of "control issues"? No, it's because He loves us and knows what is best for us.  We are designed to be in relationship with Him! Blaise Pascal, famous scientist (after whom we named the unit for atmospheric pressure), mathematician and hymn writer (who knew?) said it well:

What God has been known to do is remove all of our resources, so that we are forced to turn to Him, or reject Him and despair.  He taught me that my resources were limited; His were limitless. Mine were often costly; His were free.  His resources were MY resources, because I am His child in Jesus Christ! And He is at work, shaping me to be more like Jesus, for His glory!

I know that doesn't all make sense if you are not a God-follower. This is not just a power-trip on His part; it's actually what we are designed for, intended for, and it actually brings joy!

Here's the difference: Having learned to trust God, that He is good and has my very best in mind, I have a peace in the midst of difficult times that doesn't really make sense to some people. How can I be sure He has my best in mind? Well, the apostle Paul expressed it best when he said, in Romans 8 verse 32: "Since God did not spare even His own Son but gave Him up for us all, won't He also give us everything else [that we need]?" Why would I doubt God's good will toward me, if even His own Son was not too great a cost to pay for my salvation?

Believe me when I say that there is something about looking at your own son in a casket that makes you assess whether you truly believe that God is as good as He claims to be. In our recent tragedy, I found myself recognizing the pitiful limits of my own resources, but knowing, knowing, that God was going to take care of us, see us through this, and supply everything we would need from His vast and limitless resources, which He delights to expend for His children. And my faith in Him was not disappointed.

Ephesians 3:20 refers to "...Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we can ask or imagine..."  That was our experience as we went through the days and weeks after our son's death. He provided for us exceedingly abundantly, more than we could have imagined.

No more "Why me, God?" I choose to trust Him and ask "What is it You're trying to do in me?"